How the mind works will never cease to leave me filled with wonder. We really do have to most complex relationships with ourselves and our minds. Our doing mode of mind is frequently throwing things in our path that stops us from doing a job that just needs to be done.
As one participant I taught last year put it, the doing mode of mind is really just trying to protect us from the unknown and stress. But this doesn’t make our job any easier of having to pick through the real threats and the imagined. And let’s face it most of the bad things that happen to us happen to us in our minds.
Yesterday I had to finish re-recording my meditation CD so it could fit onto one CD and was less daunting to those new to meditation. I had re-recorded all but one meditation, track 7 – the befriending meditation, it is my all time favourite meditation and yet did I skip to the task or did I faff around on the internet for most of the day feeling a mild bubbling of panic and self-loathing arise as the hours slipped by and I felt compelled to look at snow boots online rather than do some actual work.
My kids were due back at 6pm from a play date and so it was no surprise that I found myself finally recording the thing at 5.15. Luckily for me it was done in one take and I got busy with quality checking and then burning and labelling CDs ready for my new courses next week.
People say when will mindfulness really have a lasting impact? And the answer is it ebbs and flows. It is certainly life changing but I will never be 100% rid of procrastination and part of me, the perennial procrastinating writer side of my character, wouldn’t want it to disappear entirely.
The difference is this: I was procrastinating on a Thursday when pre-mindfulness I would have left it till midnight tonight, which for me is most definitely progress!
Today’s total practice time: 30 minutes movement and meditation